at least i’ll…(and so it goes,…) April 21, 2008
Posted by marlo59 in bio, biographical, psychotherapy, transsexualism.Tags: gender identity, mtf, transgender, transsexual
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…and so it goes, and so it goes..
i’m writing this now some 4 mos. later and though much has transpired, changed if you like, it equally feels, as if nothing has changed. Certainly I have arrived to a certain level of liberty, though at extreme cost. The “mathematical” equations which perpetually run in my head are no less noisy than they were before i began to transition. Nonetheless i can’t help but feel i’ve “done it now…”. So i’ll continue to discover, discover as it continues to reveal itself to me and everyone around me.
At Least I’ll Own a Dress… April 17, 2008
Posted by marlo59 in bio, biographical, psychotherapy.Tags: gender identity, mtf, transgender, transsexual, transsexualism
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26-10-2007
or,…how do you like your hormones?
So,… here i sit in the waiting area of the Endocrinology Department, UCLA Medical Center, Westwood, CA.
I have arrived intact and nervous. Not overly so, just sort of wanting to get past the initial consult and really not knowing what to expect. I’m bored with this already… Jump back five months ago,…terrifying, the thoughts running through my head. Suicide,…getting back on “the hook” after 14 years clean,…suicide,…not wanting to be here anymore,…selbstmord,…no longer giving a damn about my career as an actor, or a filmmaker,…suicide, have i mentioned suicide? Selbstmord? αυτοκτονία? suicide,…without a plan. What was i thinking? No plan? Of course “No Plan!”, I’ve never worked with a net. Ever. It’s like trying to cook for two. I wouldn’t know how. Eight perhaps, but two? C’mon?!Plus, i do so love the art of improvisation.
You know, and i’ve heard it said many times before;
“Actors are great liars…”(utter baloney!) However, in actuality, good actors (& filmmakers et al) are horrible liars, atrocious even,…for the stage is a harsh mistress and the frame never lies.
Never.
So it was some five months ago, where i found myself paralyzed and unable to function any longer, under the noise within my mind and
throughout my
soul.
I am transgender.
